Monthly Archives: June 2012
- In the NBA Draft, Anthony Davis was selected first overall by the New Orleans Hornets. In an effort to welcome Davis to New Orleans, fans of the Hornets put Nelly Band-Aid’s over their faux-Drew Brees Scar and drew a uni-brow using their sharpies.
- Spain advanced to the finals of the Euro Cup after winning in penalty kicks versus Portugal. Going against their usual tradition, the country of Spain celebrated by partying all night.
- Facing Spain in the European Cup Championships will be Italy after defeating Germany 2-1 in the semifinal. Mario Balotelli scored both goals for Italy, asked how he got so open Balotelli said, “People told me I look like a dinosaur, so I started running around making Velociraptor noises and they kinda just left me alone”.
- The San Francisco Giants completed a three-game sweep of the Dodgers without allowing a single run to take a one game lead in the NL West. The Dodgers were in an unusually chipper mood after the sweep. When the Dodgers were told that not scoring runs was a bad thing, they were shocked that they weren’t playing golf.
- At Wimbledon, Rafael Nadal was upset by the 100th ranked player in the world, Lukas Rosol. Asked what went wrong Nadal replied, “The airline lost my suitcase full of Capri pants and it just threw off my whole game, I can’t wear the same Capri pants two matches in a row, who do you think I am, Roger Federer? Zing”.
- Cornerback Aaron Berry became the fourth Detroit Lion to be arrested this off-season after being arrested for suspicion of driving under the influence. Matthew Stafford and Calvin Johnson were seen noticeably intoxicated in a huddle at a bar planning their own arrests. Before hopping into separate cars they shouted “We want another touchdown! We’re going for six!” [arrests]
Introducing our first guest blogger on Casually Ginger, Ms. Kelsey Cross, as Editor-in-Chief of this blog and having a real eye for talent, I had no choice but to let her blog for us, especially after Kelsey vehemently demanded to write [the longest] blog to express her outspoken opinions to the masses.
1. Waiting for Him to Text First (girls)
A lot of my irritation about this has a lot of the same foundations as the making men text first. It’s making a game out of something that isn’t supposed to be a game. If you wait a while to respond because you actually have a life, are busy, are terrible with your phone or are forgetful (this goes for guys and girls) then ignore this, you’re exempt from this particular tirade. But if you purposely wait a ridiculously long time for every.single.message., well you sure are making it goddamn hard to have a conversation aren’t you? Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’ve always viewed the early stages of dating as the time where you can get to know the other person and decide if this is someone you want in your life or not. So if you’re playing these mind-fuck communication games you’re making it real damn hard to get to know that person and for them to get to know you. To top it all off all of these things really don’t set a good foundation for communication later on and I know that’s almost always a girls’ number one complaint.
3. Playing Hard to Get (guys and girls)
This concept is touted as the end all be all sure-fire way to land a guy (or girl) and for arguments sake let’s say that it works. By playing hard to get you land some dude, but what if that coy, mysterious girl (or guy!) who acts like they DGAF isn’t really who you are? Well then congratulations you just landed a person who is interested in you for a bunch of stuff you just pretended to be, now what? Are you supposed to pretend to be that way for the duration of the relationship? Fuck that. Life is too short to be anything but yourself and most certainly too short to spend it with people who don’t appreciate or enjoy you for who you are. Stop pretending to be something that you’re not, be you and someone out there will love you for just that. Unless you’re just a bitch, in that case you’re sorta screwed, might want to work on that.
Now, I’m not disputing the effectiveness of playing hard to get. I can personally attest to the fact that it works, nothing seems to be more interesting than someone who isn’t interested in you but with that said… why on earth would anyone want to waste their time on someone who purposely acts like they don’t care? I’ve seen multiple girls hung up on guys who played that role and I’ve seen girls do it to guys too. While playing “hard to get” may at times yield results, the premise of trying to land someone by acting like you don’t give a fuck about them is unhealthy, manipulative, backwards, and stupid. So Stop it.
4. Advertising Relationships via Social Media (girls and guys)
This is an EPIDEMIC, it must be stopped. For those who are in relationships and are blessedly happy and choose to congest all social media waves about it, congrats.
Sincerely, it’s always nice to see someone happy. But when you spend most of your time advertising your relationship and posting sweet nothings on your significant others wall you are taking something that should be private and making it public. And just like the Facebook IPO some things should just stay private. There is nothing wrong with wanting the world to see you’re happy but there is a difference between showing what you have and shoving it in everyone’s face, the more these things get flaunted the less sincere they seem or become. Relationships should never be advertised and nor should the things that you say to each other. Keep all of the “I love yous” and the “I miss yous” and the “<3BABBYYYYYYY<3 ❤ <3’s” where they should be…between the two of you and off of our news feeds.
The same thing goes for the flipside if your relationship is one giant flaming ball of dysfunction and bullshit. Seriously, Facebook statuses about it are not going to help you, ever. They just make you look like you’re 12.
– Kelsey Cross
After I begrudgingly sat through 3 hours of what seemed like AYSO soccer watching the two worst teams left in the Euro Cup tournament I could not help but let my mind wonder about what lay ahead.
‘Twas the Night Before Half-Christmas
The stockings were hung by the chimney in the rear,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would bring more beer.
The alcoholics were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of Mrs. Claus and friends danced in their heads.
And on the TV played Jingle All the Way,
The best Christmas movie they ever did play.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
We sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window we stumbled,
Tore open the shutters and wondered what Ross just mumbled.
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
We knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!
“Now Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! On, Cupid! on, on Donner and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”
And then, in a twinkling, we heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As we questioned our sobriety in our heads, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.
He was dressed like a diva, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A keg of eggnog, he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a gardener, just opening his pack.
His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was petite and round,
And the beard of his chin was nowhere to be found.
His tongue was sticking out of his tight little teeth,
And the scarf encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and lost his little round belly,
That no longer shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!
He was annoying and lazy, the opposite of a jolly old elf,
And we dry heaved when we saw him, in spite of oneself!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
We knew this was something that we all had to dread.
He spoke so much broken English, but went straight to his work like a good Mexican,
And filled all the stockings with copious amounts of alcohol, like he’s trying to be American.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!
He jaunted to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,
“Happy Half-Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!”
- Overwork your body by signing up to a cross fit/body boot camp class that will leave you walking bowlegged
- Have a plethora of alcohol (the more tequila the better!)
- Have an entourage whose only purpose in life is to see your demise
Chances are you woke up this morning (probably hungover on someone else’s couch wondering how the f*** you got there) feeling like you do every morning, but you are wrong, the world has lost another great tradition that we have celebrated for nearly a decade: Goodbye to the LeBron James jokes. Adios to LeBron being the butt of every NBA Finals quip, ciao to the “LeBron has no rings LOL” puns, and sayonara to the King James “can’t give you change for a dollar because he doesn’t have a 4th quarter” tomfoolery (thesauruses are cool) . Today is truly a sad day for the meme industry.
So in memory of the past nine years of LeBron being the anti-Michael Jordan & Kobe Bryant, I wanted to highlight some of my favorite LeBron James jokes.
Q: What time does Lebron James go to sleep?
A: A quarter after 3
Q: Why does LeBron only eat boneless buffalo wings?
A: Because he has a tendency to choke
Apple has just released the LeBron James iPhone. Only Vibrates. No Rings.
LeBron James will release his autobiography as soon as he comes up with a title.
A simple Google search will come up with over 700,000 sites dedicated just to that, looks like they’ll be shutting down like the club that Tony Parker sued after Chris Brown and Drakes alleged brawl.
LeBron does deserve all the credit for his amazing series against a team that many NBA experts did not have them winning. A year ago, he was antagonizing all the ‘haters’ after a collapse versus the Dallas Mavericks, now LeBron has rightfully earned his most elusive prize, an NBA Championship.
Delusional Laker fans (Yes, I’m a Laker fan and sometimes delusional) will blow up your social networks with their blind hate for a player that has surpassed Kobe and his team and compare his one ring vs Kobe’s five, but at age 27 LeBron and Michael Jordan both earned their first ring (no I’m not comparing the two).
He may not have won two, or three, or four, or five, but today is a day where we congratulate the Prince on becoming the King of the NBA, at least for the next year and mourn the loss of our beloved LeBron No Ring Jokes but at least we have his receding hairline to laugh at!
Well, here we are, Game 5 of the NBA Finals and the Miami Heat lead 3-1 over the Oklahoma City Thunder, but more importantly it’s Thirsty Thursday (or just Thursday for people with actual responsibilities tomorrow) to all you young-ens out there. But if you are like me, and didn’t jump on the Miami LeBron’s bandwagon three years ago, you’ve probably been drinking throughout the first four games, due to the fact that we’ll all be losing the LeBron has no ring & doesn’t have a fourth quarter jokes. Now what (borderline) alcoholic doesn’t like a reason to drink along with a little structure? Without further ado here are the NBA Finals Game 5 Drinking Game rules:
- Since we are in Miami, we know that for the National Anthem, an adolescent Hispanic will be belting the Anthem. Take One Drink.
- Bonus: If they screw up the words, crawl into a ball, and start crying, then we all win. Chug half your beer.
- Bonus x2: If somehow the Heat got Gloria Estefan to sing (I’m not sure how she hasn’t yet) time to Shotgun a beer
- Next up, the starting lineup introductions. Cue motivational mash-up video with Kanye & Jay-Z’s “N*ggas in Paris” in the background. One drink. If you see any cool handshakes reminiscent of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air take one drink per.
- If JVG conjures up another conspiracy theory dealing with the NBA, referees, or David Stern (fingers crossed for all three). Take a shot.
- This one I’m really hoping for: If JVG brings up his feline friend that he bragged about earlier in the series then take a beer bong.
- In between the first and third quarters, close your eyes, because female sideline reporter Doris Burke is about to interview one of the coaches or players. Keep your eyes closed and when she starts talking if you can’t tell the difference between her and the player/coach she’s interviewing then her baritone man voice has won. Drink straight whiskey because you know she does.
- Finally, every time Play-by-Play Broadcaster Mike Breen, who has perfect grey hair, yells a cool catchphrase like “BANG!” take one drink.
- Every time Russell Westbrook gets the “Ray Allen Treatment”, where they show his family way more than anyone wants to see their own family. Then text your mom you love her and then take a shot.
- When James Harden checks into the game and you notice his beard has birds nesting in it, then you should probably stop drinking and eat a slice of bread or two.
- Once you’ve eaten your bread, when James Harden inevitably tries splitting a double team and turns the ball over leading to a LeBron or D-Wade dunk — Finish your drink.
- At this point, you’re surely questioning Thunder Head Coach Scott Brooks on why he has kept Derek Fisher in the game at such a crucial time and right when your brain wanders to that point you see Fisher throwing up an ill-advised transition 3 that he bricks. When this happens, pat yourself on the back, but take a shot.
- After either the Heat or Thunder goes up double digits in the first quarter and the lead is erased by halftime, depending on which team you are rooting for give your friend a shot or take a shot.
- Once you realize that Lebron’s headband keeps getting bigger and wider than ever, look in the mirror and either thank or curse your genetics for your hairline. Cheers your friend and take a drink or text your parents (again) mad at their DNA.
- Every time Mario Chalmers, one of the heroes of Game 4, gets verbally berated by one of his teammates, take a drink.
- If one of the players yelling at Chalmers is Juwan Howard, stop laughing and line up three shots and take them consecutively. Make sure you stopped laughing or the alcohol will propel out of your nose; trust me I’ve seen it.
Hello friends, family (hi mom!), strangers, and weirdos that somehow found us on Google. Welcome to Lance and Levi’s Blog of Awesomeness (working title). We started this blog because we really had no outlet, other than Twitter (follow me @LANCECARTELLI) for our stupid sports and other weird knowledge, or lack thereof…oh, and we get really bored at work. So hang on and enjoy the ride!
– Lance, the Ginger Gosling
We want to welcome everyone to what is promised to be a bunch of amateur blog writing (mainly coming from me @mrcasualhipster) in the realm of sports and pop culture. We hope you stick around long enough; while we try and figure out exactly what the hell we’re doing. So sit back and enjoy the show
– Levi, the Casual Hipster