Monthly Archives: June 2012

Cross’s Corner: Crossisms of the Dating World, Part II

Introducing our first guest blogger on Casually Ginger, Ms. Kelsey Cross, as Editor-in-Chief of this blog and having a real eye for talent, I had no choice but to let her blog for us, especially after Kelsey vehemently demanded to write [the longest] blog to express her outspoken opinions to the masses.

As you will surely see, Cross has no censor and she doesn’t sugar coat anything, if you think she’s talking about you, she probably is and by-God I respect that. 

In her first post of Cross’s Corner we see a Top 10 of ‘Crossisms’ in the dating world, enjoy!

PS: Kelsey Cross has the most glorious tits (She made me write that).

Disclaimer: Part 2 is more seriousface than Part 1. So put on your seriouspants and get to reading.

5. Yo-Yo Dating

When I say yo-yo, I mean the kind of relationships that are constantly on-again off-again. You break up, vow you will never go back! Annnnnnnd then you get back together, things are all fine and dandy and peaches and cream and then boom, you break up again. Then you have some makeup sex and then you get back together. It’s happened so many times in fact, that you both have decided to omit the “relationship status” portion of your preferred social media site. You say it’s because you just don’t feel like having it up anymore, but let’s be cereal here… you did it because your shit is so messed up from day to day that you don’t want to be visually confronted with the timeline history of your shenanigans.

Now breakups happen, sometimes they happen for the better and sometimes they don’t. Sometimes people come to regret hasty decisions they’ve made without fully thinking things through, and you know what that is perfectly okay. We’re young, most of us are pretty stupid, you’re allowed a little leg-room to make some mistakes. But chances are most couples that are our age are not breaking up and taking that time to sincerely and objectively look at the reasons and problems behind that break up and discuss it maturely and rationally with each other in an effort to work things out. They fight, fuck, break up, fuck and get back together without resolving said issues and then fuck some more. And while I take no issue with the fucking part this is not healthy people, get your shit together. It’s not that particularly difficult to take a step back and look at the decisions you’re making, and stop putting all of your friends through the emotional turmoil of trying to keep up with you.

6. Lying/Flaking Out On Someone Because You Don’t “Like” Like Them.

I think it’s safe to say that about 95% of us are guilty of this one and there can be both benign as well as cruel reasons behind it. First and foremost, it’s not okay to do this to someone (unless they’ve done something to deserve it, in which case go buck wild), so if you are guilty of it and have not mended your ways start now. For those of us who have done this, it’s time to sack up and start doing better. If somewhere down the line of seeing someone you find yourself thinking “they’re great but…not right for me” the guilt instantly takes over. It’s not their fault, and it’s not yours either, the heart wants what it wants…blah blah blah. Handling a situation like this takes a hell of a lot of courage, tact and grace and lets face it not a lot of us have that. So what do you do instead? You don’t want to hurt them by just breaking if off so you start flaking hoping that this person who likes you will magically get the picture, understand completely and leave you be without another word which frees you from having to have the ultimate of socially awkward conversations. But it doesn’t ever work like that does it? While we hold out and hope that it will work and that this method will surely be less brutal…it isn’t. The other person never quite gets what you’re trying to communicate cause you haven’t actually done any communicating, then when they finally confront you all of the proverbial shit hits the big fucking fan and guess what? It’s pointed right at you and no matter how benign your intentions were you deserve it. The moral of the story here is don’t fucking do that, while you think you might be doing that person a favor by “letting them down easy” there’s nothing easy about it, you are not doing them a favor and you are hurting them and that is not okay. While it’s initial sting is unpleasant, the best thing that you can do for that person in these situations is just be honest and talk to them face to face. Unless they’ve done something terrible to you, you owe them that much.

[Editor’s Note: The above paragraph is genius and the people that do this should burn in hell.]

7.  Making Promises You Never Fulfill

Don’t do this. Period. If you don’t see any form of a future with someone don’t pretend like you do, wait until the initial excitement and happy fluffy feelings of “new love yayyyyy” have passed. It feels normal and great to say all kinds of things while you’re in the blinding glory of a new relationship, but hold onto all those things you’re just dying to say or promises you might make until that phase has passed. If you still like that person enough to want to say and do those things, then by all means knock yourself out. But until then keep your mouth shut.

8.   Cheating (duh)

This is about as self-explanatory as number 7. Don’t fucking do it (this goes for guys and girls equally) . If you are in a relationship and you are either cheating or feeling compelled the cheat… what in the HELL are you doing still with that person? It’s unlikely that they’ve done anything to you to deserve this kind of treatment, so don’t do it. If you’re roaming eye refuses to focus back on the person you’re with have the common decency to break up with them and give them a chance to find someone who deserves them more than you do.

9. Not Knowing When to Let Go and Making Everyone Around You Crazy

Sometimes things just don’t work, for whatever reason that may be. Some relationships are meant to last a long time and some aren’t. Maybe you and your significant other are all kinds of wrong and toxic for each other, maybe it’s just horrendous timing, maybe you feel the need to sow your wild oats. Regardless of the reason it is important to pay attention to reality and know when it’s time to hold on for dear life and when it’s time to let something go. The worst thing you can do is cling to something, or someone when it is time to do the opposite and it makes everyone around you crazy, upset, and frustrated. Don’t do that to us.

10.  Not Keeping Your Eyes Open (often the cause for the friendzone)

I read a quote somewhere by some person that said something like “just because your eyes open doesn’t mean you really see” or other words to that affect. I’m sure at the time it was much more moving than my summary or else I would have forgotten it along with all of the other things I forget somewhere between “where the fuck are my keys today” and “when was the last time I ate?”

But I digress, the point is that whatever person said that is onto something. Just because your eyes are open and you technically “see” doesn’t mean you’re actually looking at your surroundings, given the amount of door frames I run into I can personally attest to the truth of this. In the chaos of our lives it is easy to overlook some of the most important things (ain’t that a bitch?) and the people in our lives often get that shaft as well.

Pay attention to as much as you can. But most importantly, pay attention to the people in your life, there could be someone there that’s been paying a hell of a lot of attention to you and would jump and giggle with glee if you would realize it.

In terms of this post relating to the clusterfuck shitstorm interwoven maze of emotional turmoil and obliviousness that is otherwise known as “The Friendzone” well, that will have to wait for it’s own blog post. So….. pay attention and look for it when it comes.

Keep It Sleazy,

Kelsey Cross


This Week In Sports

In case you were out enjoying your life instead of counting down the days, hours, minutes, and seconds until NFL Training Camps start, here’s what happened this past week in sports:
  • In the NBA Draft, Anthony Davis was selected first overall by the New Orleans Hornets.  In an effort to welcome Davis to New Orleans, fans of the Hornets put Nelly Band-Aid’s over their faux-Drew Brees Scar and drew a uni-brow using their sharpies. 
  • Spain advanced to the finals of the Euro Cup after winning in penalty kicks versus Portugal.  Going against their usual tradition, the country of Spain celebrated by partying all night.
  • Facing Spain in the European Cup Championships will be Italy after defeating Germany 2-1 in the semifinal.  Mario Balotelli scored both goals for Italy, asked how he got so open Balotelli said, “People told me I look like a dinosaur, so I started running around making Velociraptor noises and they kinda just left me alone”. 
  • The San Francisco Giants completed a three-game sweep of the Dodgers without allowing a single run to take a one game lead in the NL West. The Dodgers were in an unusually chipper mood after the sweep. When the Dodgers were told that not scoring runs was a bad thing, they were shocked that they weren’t playing golf.
  • At Wimbledon, Rafael Nadal was upset by the 100th ranked player in the world, Lukas Rosol. Asked what went wrong Nadal replied, “The airline lost my suitcase full of Capri pants and it just threw off my whole game, I can’t wear the same Capri pants two matches in a row, who do you think I am, Roger Federer? Zing”.  
  • Cornerback Aaron Berry became the fourth Detroit Lion to be arrested this off-season after being arrested for suspicion of driving under the influence.  Matthew Stafford and Calvin Johnson were seen noticeably intoxicated in a huddle at a bar planning their own arrests.  Before hopping into separate cars they shouted “We want another touchdown! We’re going for six!” [arrests]

Cross’s Corner: Crossisms of the Dating World, Part I

Introducing our first guest blogger on Casually Ginger, Ms. Kelsey Cross, as Editor-in-Chief of this blog and having a real eye for talent, I had no choice but to let her blog for us, especially after Kelsey vehemently demanded to write [the longest] blog to express her outspoken opinions to the masses.

As you will surely see, Cross has no censor and she doesn’t sugar coat anything, if you think she’s talking about you, she probably is and by-God I respect that. 
In her first post of Cross’s Corner we see a Top 10 of ‘Crossisms’ in the dating world, enjoy!
PS: Kelsey Cross has the most glorious tits (She made me write that).
I watch people, all the time. It’s kind of creepy, but I only do it because I find observation to be a particularly enjoyable pastime.
Unfortunately with all of the time I spend observing, I see a lot of things that baffle, confuse, irritate me or make me go “…DAFUQ?”. And I know I’m hardly the only one. So since we’re all young and riddled with hormones and other disastrous substances, a lot of what I observe has to do with dating and relationships.
And before I start, I will readily admit that yes I too have definitely been guilty of some of the following issues, no one’s perfect after all.
The 10 Things I Wish People Would Stop Fucking Doing in Dating/Relationships:

1.  Waiting for Him to Text First (girls)
This one gets me heated unlike anything else. The issue here is that a good majority of females are under the impression that Men should ALWAYS text first when a romantical situation isbeing initiated, and that the burden of communication and initiation of plans relies solely on the man.

This is not the problem that I have, the problem I have is what starts to happen when a pair has been seeing each other for a little while. My belief is past the first initial communication/dates, the burden of communication becomes equally shared. It is no longer entirely the dudes job to ALWAYS text you first, he has done that, he’s shown interest, he has taken you out and hooray! He’s still around. Now it’s your turn ladies to start picking up the slack and bring shit to 50/50, as everything with relationships should be. If a guy you like is showing interest, why in the hell would you not show interest back?
Here’s why this grinds my gears so much: While there are a myriad of differences between men and women, fundamentally we all have certain similarities and needs and it seems that some have forgotten this. When it comes to the whole process of dating, menfolk stick their necks out and risk rejection multiple times when first meeting, that’s not easy. If you don’t, he’ll find someone who will. Period. 
I’m just guessing here, but under the assumption that men aren’t entirely heartless I’m going to suggest &that when they like a girl, they’re going to be jazzed when that girl is showing some interest and putting fourth some effort back. So send the poor guy a text. Or if you’re not much of a texter, make him a sandwich.
2. Waiting a Certain Amount of Time Between Texting (girls and guys)

A lot of my irritation about this has a lot of the same foundations as the making men text first. It’s making a game out of something that isn’t supposed to be a game. If you wait a while to respond because you actually have a life, are busy, are terrible with your phone or are forgetful (this goes for guys and girls) then ignore this, you’re exempt from this particular tirade. But if you purposely wait a ridiculously long time for every.single.message., well you sure are making it goddamn hard to have a conversation aren’t you? Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’ve always viewed the early stages of dating as the time where you can get to know the other person and decide if this is someone you want in your life or not. So if you’re playing these mind-fuck communication games you’re making it real damn hard to get to know that person and for them to get to know you. To top it all off all of these things really don’t set a good foundation for communication later on and I know that’s almost always a girls’ number one complaint.

3. Playing Hard to Get (guys and girls)

This concept is touted as the end all be all sure-fire way to land a guy (or girl) and for arguments sake let’s say that it works. By playing hard to get you land some dude, but what if that coy, mysterious girl (or guy!) who acts like they DGAF isn’t really who you are? Well then congratulations you just landed a person who is interested in you for a bunch of stuff you just pretended to be, now what? Are you supposed to pretend to be that way for the duration of the relationship? Fuck that. Life is too short to be anything but yourself and most certainly too short to spend it with people who don’t appreciate or enjoy you for who you are. Stop pretending to be something that you’re not, be you and someone out there will love you for just that. Unless you’re just a bitch, in that case you’re sorta screwed, might want to work on that.

Now, I’m not disputing the effectiveness of playing hard to get. I can personally attest to the fact that it works, nothing seems to be more interesting than someone who isn’t interested in you but with that said… why on earth would anyone want to waste their time on someone who purposely acts like they don’t care? I’ve seen multiple girls hung up on guys who played that role and I’ve seen girls do it to guys too. While playing “hard to get” may at times yield results, the premise of trying to land someone by acting like you don’t give a fuck about them is unhealthy, manipulative, backwards, and stupid. So Stop it.

4. Advertising Relationships via Social Media (girls and guys)

This is an EPIDEMIC, it must be stopped. For those who are in relationships and are blessedly happy and choose to congest all social media waves about it, congrats.
Sincerely, it’s always nice to see someone happy. But when you spend most of your time advertising your relationship and posting sweet nothings on your significant others wall you are taking something that should be private and making it public. And just like the Facebook IPO some things should just stay private. There is nothing wrong with wanting the world to see you’re happy but there is a difference between showing what you have and shoving it in everyone’s face, the more these things get flaunted the less sincere they seem or become. Relationships should never be advertised and nor should the things that you say to each other. Keep all of the “I love yous” and the “I miss yous” and the “<3BABBYYYYYYY<3 ❤ <3’s” where they should be…between the two of you and off of our news feeds.

The same thing goes for the flipside if your relationship is one giant flaming ball of dysfunction and bullshit. Seriously, Facebook statuses about it are not going to help you, ever. They just make you look like you’re 12.

– Kelsey Cross

The time is now CR7!

The time is now CR7!

After I begrudgingly sat through 3 hours of what seemed like AYSO soccer watching the two worst teams left in the Euro Cup tournament I could not help but let my mind wonder about what lay ahead.
It’s not to take away anything from Andrea Pirlo’s brilliant performance, the fact that the 33 year old was able to assert his dominance as the most talented man on the pitch speaks volume of just how far behind both squads are for the world cup in 2014.
The highlight of the one sided match was Pirlos “Panenka” penalty which showed the world how the perfect combination of experience, cunningness and elegance can make your opponent crumble like a cookie when pressure is put on them. It’s sad however that the man known as “The Architect” had no construction workers to carry out his plan*.
Now the anticipated match between the returning champs (Spain) vs. a hopeful Portuguese side will take place on one of the biggest soccer stages.
Spain, the pass maestro’s, look to continue their streak of utter dominance (2008 Euro Cup winners, 2010 World Cup winners) and be the only team two win back-to-back Euro Cup finals (AKA Boring!) However if they are caught looking too far ahead they might just be surprised by the chosen one, Cristiano Ronaldo.
CR7 has been heavily criticized as a selfish diva like player who thinks he is God’s gift to the soccer world. He has publicly stated he believes he is much more talented than the Argentinean Lionel Messi (Barcelona’s crown jewel) so much so that this blogger thinks the criticism is partially deserved. However when he’s able to put his ego to the side (rarely happens) and allow his team to help him the ”GQ looking/chiseled body/would-husband (no-homo) simply brilliant soccer stud” can perhaps lace one of his knuckle like balls into the back of net while holding up his middle finger to all the haters, the critics, the die-hard Barcelona fans who doubted that the bad boy of soccer could not do it alone.
Yes Cristiano, the time is now! So go on and go forth and show us that you can have it all…the looks, the charisma, the non-believers, the money, the perfect hair and above all the skill…the skill to make it and perhaps win the Euro Cups Final. I bid you adieu!

‘Twas the Night Before Half-Christmas

It’s time to dust off that ugly sweater that you’ve been hiding in your closet the past six months, bust out your secret stash of “Christmas in My Mouth” (Peppermint Schnapps & Hershey’s Chocolate Syrup), and fire up your BluRay version of Jingle All the Way, so you can see Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sinbad duel it out like it was always intended, in 1080p. 
The only fitting way for me to get in the Half-Christmas spirit is for my own rendition of **‘Twas the Night Before Christmas.  So sit back with a glass of your favorite Keg-Nog and enjoy the remix.
**It is a poem wrapped in a mystery, if you can guess who Half-Santa is, please do it in the comments and you will win a prize!**

‘Twas the Night Before Half-Christmas
‘Twas the night before Half-Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, they were all passed out.
The stockings were hung by the chimney in the rear,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would bring more beer.

The alcoholics were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of Mrs. Claus and friends danced in their heads.
And on the TV played Jingle All the Way,
The best Christmas movie they ever did play.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
We sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window we stumbled,
Tore open the shutters and wondered what Ross just mumbled.

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
We knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

“Now Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! On, Cupid! on, on Donner and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”

And then, in a twinkling, we heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As we questioned our sobriety in our heads, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed like a diva, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A keg of eggnog, he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a gardener, just opening his pack.

His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was petite and round,
And the beard of his chin was nowhere to be found.

His tongue was sticking out of his tight little teeth,
And the scarf encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and lost his little round belly,
That no longer shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!

He was annoying and lazy, the opposite of a jolly old elf,
And we dry heaved when we saw him, in spite of oneself!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
We knew this was something that we all had to dread.

He spoke so much broken English, but went straight to his work like a good Mexican,
And filled all the stockings with copious amounts of alcohol, like he’s trying to be American.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!

He jaunted to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,
“Happy Half-Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!”

-Lance Cartelli

The Doomsday Cocktail

I don’t know what it is about Fluxx, party buses and going out on #TT (Thirsty Thursday’s) that makes me an over zealous five year old. One thing I’ve learned from this miserable day is that fatigue, cross fit and alcohols (damn you @swarshaw321!) don’t mix very well; which is how I came up with The Doomsday Cocktail. But before I get into that hot-mess I need you to bear with me as I recap the night.
4:45 PM:  GO TIME! I bolted straight home for what was supposed to be a quick workout and out the door by 6:30PM with a fifth of vodka in one hand and cactus cooler (world’s greatest chaser) in the other. So what really happened you might ask? SLT (Standard Levi Time); for those of you unfamiliar with the term it was coined by the very same people I call “my friends” for the simple fact that I always run late!
7:30 PM: Now I’m with no vodka, no chaser and extremely fatigued from working out (it was day 4 of cross fit/soccer/conditioning.) By the time we rounded up the troops, got “El Gordo” motivated to get off his @**and ready to go clubbing as well as stop by a friend’s house for a quick pregame the clock had struck 9! Fast forward to this morning.
6 AM: Waking up to @TRISHlikeFISH is yelling some O-Team chant and @123BrianB rambling some hoopla speech he’s supposed to give in two hours time. So what happened between 9PM till 6AM? The Doomsday Cocktail, the perfect combination of fatigue, alcohol and #DerpStepbeats! It’s still hard to make out what exactly took place but somehow in the midst of things I spent too much at the bar, gorged on pizza (diet ruined!) and saw my friend @userfrk4455 grind a midget (unverified). So if you ever want to experience one of these famous mixology cocktails; gather the following ingredients:
  • Overwork your body by signing up to a cross fit/body boot camp class that will leave you walking bowlegged 

  • Have a plethora of alcohol (the more tequila the better!)

  • Have an entourage whose only purpose in life is to see your demise

P.S. the cure is what I call a “filthy” iced chai (3 espresso shots!)  ENJOY >:)
Notable mention thanks @whatdeeheck for the car ride and “organic” lotion
– Levi Martinez aka @mrcasualhipster

Saying Goodbye to the LeBron Jokes

Chances are you woke up this morning (probably hungover on someone else’s couch wondering how the f*** you got there) feeling like you do every morning, but you are wrong, the world has lost another great tradition that we have celebrated for nearly a decade: Goodbye to the LeBron James jokes.  Adios to LeBron being the butt of every NBA Finals quip, ciao to the “LeBron has no rings LOL” puns, and sayonara to the King James “can’t give you change for a dollar because he doesn’t have a 4th quarter” tomfoolery (thesauruses are cool) .  Today is truly a sad day for the meme industry.

So in memory of the past nine years of LeBron being the anti-Michael Jordan & Kobe Bryant, I wanted to highlight some of my favorite LeBron James jokes.

Q: What time does Lebron James go to sleep?
A: A quarter after 3

Q: Why does LeBron only eat boneless buffalo wings?
A: Because he has a tendency to choke

Apple has just released the LeBron James iPhone.  Only Vibrates.  No Rings.

LeBron James will release his autobiography as soon as he comes up with a title.

A simple Google search will come up with over 700,000 sites dedicated just to that, looks like they’ll be shutting down like the club that Tony Parker sued after Chris Brown and Drakes alleged brawl.

LeBron does deserve all the credit for his amazing series against a team that many NBA experts did not have them winning.  A year ago, he was antagonizing all the ‘haters’ after a collapse versus the Dallas Mavericks, now LeBron has rightfully earned his most elusive prize, an NBA Championship.

Delusional Laker fans (Yes, I’m a Laker fan and sometimes delusional) will blow up your social networks with their blind hate for a player that has surpassed Kobe and his team and compare his one ring vs Kobe’s five, but at age 27 LeBron and Michael Jordan both earned their first ring (no I’m not comparing the two).

He may not have won two, or three, or four, or five, but today is a day where we congratulate the Prince on becoming the King of the NBA, at least for the next year and mourn the loss of our beloved LeBron No Ring Jokes but at least we have his receding hairline to laugh at!

-Lance Cartelli

NBA Finals Game 5 Drinking Game

Well, here we are, Game 5 of the NBA Finals and the Miami Heat lead 3-1 over the Oklahoma City Thunder, but more importantly it’s Thirsty Thursday (or just Thursday for people with actual responsibilities tomorrow) to all you young-ens out there. But if you are like me, and didn’t jump on the Miami LeBron’s bandwagon three years ago, you’ve probably been drinking throughout the first four games, due to the fact that we’ll all be losing the LeBron has no ring & doesn’t have a fourth quarter jokes.  Now what (borderline) alcoholic doesn’t like a reason to drink along with a little structure?  Without further ado here are the NBA Finals Game 5 Drinking Game rules:

A plethora of beer, an assortment of hard alcohol, two buck chuck of white zin (if you’re Levi), a beer bong, a shot ski, an iPhone/Android phone to take an Instagram picture of all your alcohol!
Let’s get a little buzz going first and start with the Pregame to Game 5:
  • Since we are in Miami, we know that for the National Anthem, an adolescent Hispanic will be belting the Anthem.  Take One Drink.
    • Bonus: If they screw up the words, crawl into a ball, and start crying, then we all win.  Chug half your beer.
    • Bonus x2:  If somehow the Heat got Gloria Estefan to sing (I’m not sure how she hasn’t yet) time to Shotgun a beer
  • Next up, the starting lineup introductions.  Cue motivational mash-up video with Kanye & Jay-Z’s “N*ggas in Paris” in the background. One drink.  If you see any cool handshakes reminiscent of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air take one drink per.
This is my personal favorite aspect of the drinking game, with Jeff Van Gundy you never know what you are go to hear from his crazy, yet astute analysis.
  • If JVG conjures up another conspiracy theory dealing with the NBA, referees, or David Stern (fingers crossed for all three).  Take a shot.
  • This one I’m really hoping for:  If JVG brings up his feline friend that he bragged about earlier in the series then take a beer bong.
  • In between the first and third quarters, close your eyes, because female sideline reporter Doris Burke is about to interview one of the coaches or players.  Keep your eyes closed and when she starts talking if you can’t tell the difference between her and the player/coach she’s interviewing then her baritone man voice has won.  Drink straight whiskey because you know she does.
  • Finally, every time Play-by-Play Broadcaster Mike Breen, who has perfect grey hair, yells a cool catchphrase like “BANG!” take one drink.
Now that you’re all liquored up it’s time for the actual game.
  • Every time Russell Westbrook gets the “Ray Allen Treatment”, where they show his family way more than anyone wants to see their own family.  Then text your mom you love her and then take a shot.
  • When James Harden checks into the game and you notice his beard has birds nesting in it, then you should probably stop drinking and eat a slice of bread or two.
  • Once you’ve eaten your bread, when James Harden inevitably tries splitting a double team and turns the ball over leading to a LeBron or D-Wade dunk — Finish your drink.
  • At this point, you’re surely questioning Thunder Head Coach Scott Brooks on why he has kept Derek Fisher in the game at such a crucial time and right when your brain wanders to that point you see Fisher throwing up an ill-advised transition 3 that he bricks.  When this happens, pat yourself on the back, but take a shot.
  • After either the Heat or Thunder goes up double digits in the first quarter and the lead is erased by halftime, depending on which team you are rooting for give your friend a shot or take a shot.
  • Once you realize that Lebron’s headband keeps getting bigger and wider than ever, look in the mirror and either thank or curse your genetics for your hairline.  Cheers your friend and take a drink or text your parents (again) mad at their DNA.
  • Every time Mario Chalmers, one of the heroes of Game 4, gets verbally berated by one of his teammates, take a drink.
    • If one of the players yelling at Chalmers is Juwan Howard, stop laughing and line up three shots and take them consecutively.  Make sure you stopped laughing or the alcohol will propel out of your nose; trust me I’ve seen it.
With the rules established for the NBA Finals Game 5 Drinking Game, this should serve as a proper pregame for your (Thirsty) Thursday.  After this I’m sure you’ll be either drinking in celebration of the Miami Heat winning the Championship or mourning and drinking away your sorrows that LeBron has exorcised his demons (and ruined every LeBron Meme) and realized that the only thing left to make fun of is his receding hairline.  As always be safe and only brown out.
-Lance Cartelli 


Hello friends, family (hi mom!), strangers, and weirdos that somehow found us on Google.  Welcome to Lance and Levi’s Blog of Awesomeness (working title).  We started this blog because we really had no outlet, other than Twitter (follow me @LANCECARTELLI) for our stupid sports and other weird knowledge, or lack thereof…oh, and we get really bored at work.  So hang on and enjoy the ride!

– Lance, the Ginger Gosling

We want to welcome everyone to what is promised to be a bunch of amateur blog writing (mainly coming from me @mrcasualhipster) in the realm of sports and pop culture. We hope you stick around long enough; while we try and figure out exactly what the hell we’re doing. So sit back and enjoy the show

– Levi, the Casual Hipster

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