NBA Finals Game 5 Drinking Game

Well, here we are, Game 5 of the NBA Finals and the Miami Heat lead 3-1 over the Oklahoma City Thunder, but more importantly it’s Thirsty Thursday (or just Thursday for people with actual responsibilities tomorrow) to all you young-ens out there. But if you are like me, and didn’t jump on the Miami LeBron’s bandwagon three years ago, you’ve probably been drinking throughout the first four games, due to the fact that we’ll all be losing the LeBron has no ring & doesn’t have a fourth quarter jokes.  Now what (borderline) alcoholic doesn’t like a reason to drink along with a little structure?  Without further ado here are the NBA Finals Game 5 Drinking Game rules:

A plethora of beer, an assortment of hard alcohol, two buck chuck of white zin (if you’re Levi), a beer bong, a shot ski, an iPhone/Android phone to take an Instagram picture of all your alcohol!
Let’s get a little buzz going first and start with the Pregame to Game 5:
  • Since we are in Miami, we know that for the National Anthem, an adolescent Hispanic will be belting the Anthem.  Take One Drink.
    • Bonus: If they screw up the words, crawl into a ball, and start crying, then we all win.  Chug half your beer.
    • Bonus x2:  If somehow the Heat got Gloria Estefan to sing (I’m not sure how she hasn’t yet) time to Shotgun a beer
  • Next up, the starting lineup introductions.  Cue motivational mash-up video with Kanye & Jay-Z’s “N*ggas in Paris” in the background. One drink.  If you see any cool handshakes reminiscent of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air take one drink per.
This is my personal favorite aspect of the drinking game, with Jeff Van Gundy you never know what you are go to hear from his crazy, yet astute analysis.
  • If JVG conjures up another conspiracy theory dealing with the NBA, referees, or David Stern (fingers crossed for all three).  Take a shot.
  • This one I’m really hoping for:  If JVG brings up his feline friend that he bragged about earlier in the series then take a beer bong.
  • In between the first and third quarters, close your eyes, because female sideline reporter Doris Burke is about to interview one of the coaches or players.  Keep your eyes closed and when she starts talking if you can’t tell the difference between her and the player/coach she’s interviewing then her baritone man voice has won.  Drink straight whiskey because you know she does.
  • Finally, every time Play-by-Play Broadcaster Mike Breen, who has perfect grey hair, yells a cool catchphrase like “BANG!” take one drink.
Now that you’re all liquored up it’s time for the actual game.
  • Every time Russell Westbrook gets the “Ray Allen Treatment”, where they show his family way more than anyone wants to see their own family.  Then text your mom you love her and then take a shot.
  • When James Harden checks into the game and you notice his beard has birds nesting in it, then you should probably stop drinking and eat a slice of bread or two.
  • Once you’ve eaten your bread, when James Harden inevitably tries splitting a double team and turns the ball over leading to a LeBron or D-Wade dunk — Finish your drink.
  • At this point, you’re surely questioning Thunder Head Coach Scott Brooks on why he has kept Derek Fisher in the game at such a crucial time and right when your brain wanders to that point you see Fisher throwing up an ill-advised transition 3 that he bricks.  When this happens, pat yourself on the back, but take a shot.
  • After either the Heat or Thunder goes up double digits in the first quarter and the lead is erased by halftime, depending on which team you are rooting for give your friend a shot or take a shot.
  • Once you realize that Lebron’s headband keeps getting bigger and wider than ever, look in the mirror and either thank or curse your genetics for your hairline.  Cheers your friend and take a drink or text your parents (again) mad at their DNA.
  • Every time Mario Chalmers, one of the heroes of Game 4, gets verbally berated by one of his teammates, take a drink.
    • If one of the players yelling at Chalmers is Juwan Howard, stop laughing and line up three shots and take them consecutively.  Make sure you stopped laughing or the alcohol will propel out of your nose; trust me I’ve seen it.
With the rules established for the NBA Finals Game 5 Drinking Game, this should serve as a proper pregame for your (Thirsty) Thursday.  After this I’m sure you’ll be either drinking in celebration of the Miami Heat winning the Championship or mourning and drinking away your sorrows that LeBron has exorcised his demons (and ruined every LeBron Meme) and realized that the only thing left to make fun of is his receding hairline.  As always be safe and only brown out.
-Lance Cartelli 

Posted on June 21, 2012, in Championship, Drinking, Finals, Heat, LeBron, Miami, NBA, Oklahoma City, Thunder, Wade, Westbrook. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: