Cross’s Corner: Crossisms of the Dating World, Part II
Posted by lancecartelli
Introducing our first guest blogger on Casually Ginger, Ms. Kelsey Cross, as Editor-in-Chief of this blog and having a real eye for talent, I had no choice but to let her blog for us, especially after Kelsey vehemently demanded to write [the longest] blog to express her outspoken opinions to the masses.
Disclaimer: Part 2 is more seriousface than Part 1. So put on your seriouspants and get to reading.
5. Yo-Yo Dating
When I say yo-yo, I mean the kind of relationships that are constantly on-again off-again. You break up, vow you will never go back! Annnnnnnd then you get back together, things are all fine and dandy and peaches and cream and then boom, you break up again. Then you have some makeup sex and then you get back together. It’s happened so many times in fact, that you both have decided to omit the “relationship status” portion of your preferred social media site. You say it’s because you just don’t feel like having it up anymore, but let’s be cereal here… you did it because your shit is so messed up from day to day that you don’t want to be visually confronted with the timeline history of your shenanigans.
Now breakups happen, sometimes they happen for the better and sometimes they don’t. Sometimes people come to regret hasty decisions they’ve made without fully thinking things through, and you know what that is perfectly okay. We’re young, most of us are pretty stupid, you’re allowed a little leg-room to make some mistakes. But chances are most couples that are our age are not breaking up and taking that time to sincerely and objectively look at the reasons and problems behind that break up and discuss it maturely and rationally with each other in an effort to work things out. They fight, fuck, break up, fuck and get back together without resolving said issues and then fuck some more. And while I take no issue with the fucking part this is not healthy people, get your shit together. It’s not that particularly difficult to take a step back and look at the decisions you’re making, and stop putting all of your friends through the emotional turmoil of trying to keep up with you.
6. Lying/Flaking Out On Someone Because You Don’t “Like” Like Them.
I think it’s safe to say that about 95% of us are guilty of this one and there can be both benign as well as cruel reasons behind it. First and foremost, it’s not okay to do this to someone (unless they’ve done something to deserve it, in which case go buck wild), so if you are guilty of it and have not mended your ways start now. For those of us who have done this, it’s time to sack up and start doing better. If somewhere down the line of seeing someone you find yourself thinking “they’re great but…not right for me” the guilt instantly takes over. It’s not their fault, and it’s not yours either, the heart wants what it wants…blah blah blah. Handling a situation like this takes a hell of a lot of courage, tact and grace and lets face it not a lot of us have that. So what do you do instead? You don’t want to hurt them by just breaking if off so you start flaking hoping that this person who likes you will magically get the picture, understand completely and leave you be without another word which frees you from having to have the ultimate of socially awkward conversations. But it doesn’t ever work like that does it? While we hold out and hope that it will work and that this method will surely be less brutal…it isn’t. The other person never quite gets what you’re trying to communicate cause you haven’t actually done any communicating, then when they finally confront you all of the proverbial shit hits the big fucking fan and guess what? It’s pointed right at you and no matter how benign your intentions were you deserve it. The moral of the story here is don’t fucking do that, while you think you might be doing that person a favor by “letting them down easy” there’s nothing easy about it, you are not doing them a favor and you are hurting them and that is not okay. While it’s initial sting is unpleasant, the best thing that you can do for that person in these situations is just be honest and talk to them face to face. Unless they’ve done something terrible to you, you owe them that much.
[Editor’s Note: The above paragraph is genius and the people that do this should burn in hell.]
7. Making Promises You Never Fulfill
Don’t do this. Period. If you don’t see any form of a future with someone don’t pretend like you do, wait until the initial excitement and happy fluffy feelings of “new love yayyyyy” have passed. It feels normal and great to say all kinds of things while you’re in the blinding glory of a new relationship, but hold onto all those things you’re just dying to say or promises you might make until that phase has passed. If you still like that person enough to want to say and do those things, then by all means knock yourself out. But until then keep your mouth shut.
8. Cheating (duh)
This is about as self-explanatory as number 7. Don’t fucking do it (this goes for guys and girls equally) . If you are in a relationship and you are either cheating or feeling compelled the cheat… what in the HELL are you doing still with that person? It’s unlikely that they’ve done anything to you to deserve this kind of treatment, so don’t do it. If you’re roaming eye refuses to focus back on the person you’re with have the common decency to break up with them and give them a chance to find someone who deserves them more than you do.
9. Not Knowing When to Let Go and Making Everyone Around You Crazy
Sometimes things just don’t work, for whatever reason that may be. Some relationships are meant to last a long time and some aren’t. Maybe you and your significant other are all kinds of wrong and toxic for each other, maybe it’s just horrendous timing, maybe you feel the need to sow your wild oats. Regardless of the reason it is important to pay attention to reality and know when it’s time to hold on for dear life and when it’s time to let something go. The worst thing you can do is cling to something, or someone when it is time to do the opposite and it makes everyone around you crazy, upset, and frustrated. Don’t do that to us.
10. Not Keeping Your Eyes Open (often the cause for the friendzone)
I read a quote somewhere by some person that said something like “just because your eyes open doesn’t mean you really see” or other words to that affect. I’m sure at the time it was much more moving than my summary or else I would have forgotten it along with all of the other things I forget somewhere between “where the fuck are my keys today” and “when was the last time I ate?”
But I digress, the point is that whatever person said that is onto something. Just because your eyes are open and you technically “see” doesn’t mean you’re actually looking at your surroundings, given the amount of door frames I run into I can personally attest to the truth of this. In the chaos of our lives it is easy to overlook some of the most important things (ain’t that a bitch?) and the people in our lives often get that shaft as well.
Pay attention to as much as you can. But most importantly, pay attention to the people in your life, there could be someone there that’s been paying a hell of a lot of attention to you and would jump and giggle with glee if you would realize it.
In terms of this post relating to the clusterfuck shitstorm interwoven maze of emotional turmoil and obliviousness that is otherwise known as “The Friendzone” well, that will have to wait for it’s own blog post. So….. pay attention and look for it when it comes.
Keep It Sleazy,