This Week in Sports
In case you were out enjoying your life instead of counting down the days, hours, minutes, and seconds until NFL Training Camps start, here’s what happened this past week in sports:
- The Los Angeles Lakers traded for Steve Nash in exchange for four draft picks. When asked about having a future hall-of-famer join the Lakers, Kobe Bryant said, “Wait…I have teammates? When did this happen? I can still shoot 35 times a game right? This Steve Nash better not ruin the Los Angeles Kobes”.
- Tiger Woods won the AT&T National with a score of -8 for his 74th win of his career putting him second place all time in total PGA Tour victories. After surpassing Jack Nicklaus, Tiger triumphantly said, “I defeated the evil reign of the Jack Nicklaus empire, I’m coming for you next Sam Snead, your records will burn you communist!” [maniacal laugh]
- Former New York Giants wide receiver, Armani Toomer, said in an interview that Tony Romo is a better quarterback than Eli Manning. Sources close to Toomer said that after multiple concussions Toomer was confused and he actually thought he was a cowboy in Dallas and that Tony Romo was the name of his horse.
- The New York Knicks and Jason Kidd agreed to a three year deal that will keep Kidd a Knick until he is 42 years old. In related news, the Knicks are signing Betty White for the mid-level exception and are moving all their games to 4:30 pm so they can be in bed by 8:00 pm.
- Roger Federer defeated Novak Djokovic in four sets to advance to the Wimbledon final in England. Asked about the win after the match, Roger Federer said, “I’m 30 years old they said I was too old for this sport–“, Federer’s phone then started to ring, on the line was New York Knicks General Manager, who after hearing he was old offered Federer a 100 million dollar max contract.
– Lance Cartelli