How to Fix the MLB All-Star Week

If you’re like me and you sat through the dreadful Home Run Derby last night, then I’m sure the only pleasure you got was Robinson Cano getting booed throughout the Derby, it was entertaining and depressing at the same time, it was like watching an episode of Jersey Shore, where you despise yourself so much for watching these talent-less orange, juiced out freaks but damn you if you aren’t entertained.  In between my yawns and consistent complaining of “why the f*** am I watching this?!”, I decided to come up with some ways to spruce up the terrible MLB All-Star Week.

Skills Competition:
The NBA All-Star weekend is the only really watchable all-star game of all the sports and one of the main reasons is their Skills Competition.  So, of course, the MLB should jack this idea and add onto their HR Derby with other skill competitions, Like…:

  • A Charging the Mound Contest:  Have the biggest rivals of teams & players that hate each other and put the most loathed pitcher versus the most despised hitter and let them go at it.  How great would it be to see Cole Hamels take on Bryce Harper after their spat earlier in the year?  Or even better pretty much any Boston Red Sox player go at one the New York Yankees?  
  • Stolen Base Contest:  Have the fastest players in the majors try to steal bases off the lefty that is clearly balking while he’s pitching to the best defensive catcher in the league trying to gun him down at 2nd.  
  • One-on-One Gauntlet:  Everyone seems to agree that Mike Trout and Bryce Harper are the future of the majors, but they are in different leagues and you rarely will see them go head-to-head, but if you put them in events like a HR Derby, fielding and stolen base contest, etc., we would get to see what everyone wants to, the future (and present) of the majors head-to-head, it’d be like seeing Kevin Durant go one-on-one against LeBron James (that would be awesome).
  • Fixing the HR Derby:  Now this is a tough one because it’s pretty much a boring slam dunk contest (which is boring too).  Here are a few things I would do:
    • Bring back all the washed up players from the Steroid Era like white Sammy Sosa*,  old yet still ripped Mark McGwire, and his Bash-Brother turned enemy Jose “Steroids Effects Your Brain” Canseco.
    • Add a Shot Clock so players can’t take pitch after pitch.
    • For money balls (balls for the last out), have actual money on them and the person that catches it gets that amount.
    • Allow major league outfielders to rob home run’s.

*Seriously people, don’t do steroids.

Common Sense Fixes:
This is too easy…

  • How about making an exhibition game where no names come in at the end not decide home-field advantage for the World Series?
  • Have Chris Berman go back, back, back, back…HOME!  If he isn’t going ridiculously crazy on someone, then he’s making annoying calls.  How could someone get so bad at sportscasting so fast?
Fixing the All-Star Game:
  • You can’t. It sucks.
With that being said, have fun watching a meaningless exhibition game where your favorite player is done after an inning!
– Lance Cartelli

Posted on July 10, 2012, in All Star Game, Baseball, Boston Red Sox, Bryce Harper, Home Run, HR Derby, Jersey Shore, Mark McGwire, Mike Trouth, MLB, New York Yankees, Sammy Sosa. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Entertaining yet again… You almost lost me a few times but the links brought me right back in. Good work!

  2. haha beats the hell out of what I wrote (I had links too effer! >.<) I agree they should let the likes of Alexi Amarista, Tony Gwynn Jr or Torii Hunter determine HFA

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