Running Dialogue: A Football Olympic Draft – “Let’s Get Sweaty”
Piggy-backing off my previous post about Football being an Olympic Sport, I decided to enlist two of my friends, lets call them PD and Levi, to have a mini-Olympic draft and let you, the loyal and beloved fans, decide who would win Gold, Silver, and Bronze.
Not only did we have this mini-draft, we also decided to have some wine while writing down what we wrote about each pick and each person drafting.
First, the rules, we had a unbiased civilian pick a number between 1-100, Levi had the first pick and guess what number he chose? 69! Of course he did. I picked 28, and PD played the “Price is Right” card and picked 70. Seeing as how mature we all are, the number was 69. Surprise, surprise. So the draft order went Levi, PD, and then myself. The roster consisted of 1 QB, 2 RB, 2 WR, 1 TE, 1 D, and 1 KR.
Levi: “With the first pick, and the aim to take gold — I go with Aaron Rodgers. There are three A-Rod’s in the world”
Lance: “If you say Andy Roddick you’re an idiot. I’ll give you A Rod.”
See we’re really mature.
With the second pick in the draft PD goes with Ray Rice.
Lance: “For the third pick which some may say is the best pick you could have in all of sports, (i.e., Michael Jordan). I go with the big black monster, the arch-nemesis to Optimus Prime, I take…Calvin “Megatron” Johnson.
Lance (cont’d): “For the fourth pick, I go with the baller who rocks no lens glasses better then Russell Westbrook and Bron Bron…Arian Foster“.
PD: “Tom Brady. Just like America– almost perfect. Had some struggles but the man is a machine and confident. Just like in Moneyball you can tell how confident a guy is by his girlfriend or wife.”
At this point, I’m jumping for joy since my two main competitors already have their QB’s, I can take my time and pick any QB I want.
Levi: “Despite playing for the enemy, I go with Lesean McCoy. The man can slice and dice with the best of them, plus who doesn’t like the nickname “Shady”?
Levi (cont’d): “While some may call this a bold tactic I believe his stats speak for himself give me the man child “Gronk”. Rob Gronkowski.
[Editor’s Note: There was nothing bold about that.]
Lance: “PD, if you go with my pick I will hunt and murder you…like a rabid wolf going after its prey or Levi after his bed”.
PD: “Sorry but if I’m going for the Gold I gotta have that shutdown D and the 49ers D has got that…best way to keep a great offense off the field is a good defense. P Willy, Bowman, Rogers.. sounds like the Avengers of defense.. and some guy named Aldon Smith playing ALL downs now.. Hulk Smash!”
Lance: “PD, that was beautiful…I love you?”
Levi: “Can you guys take this somewhere else?”
Lance: “We need a room.”
Lance (cont’d): “For the ninth pick I go with Drew Brees’ right hand man. The man that makes you question is he white? Is he black? Did Young Michael Jackson and Old Michael Jackson have a love child? I go with…Jimmy Graham.
Lance (cont’d): With the tenth pick, you guys know I’ve got that sweet tooth…gimme some Goddamn Skittles, I go with Marshawn Lynch…#HMD“.
Levi: “Wow…did the wine finally get you?…I hope you aren’t blinded the same way Lance was by the Pinot Noir.”
Lance: “Contrary to popular belief the wine hasn’t taken over my central nervous system”.
At this time my archaic MacBook from half a decade ago that holds a charge for about 27 minutes died on me.
10 minutes later…
Lance (cont’d): “I’m alive, thank you Thomas Edison”
PD selects Jamaal Charles.
Levi chooses his “his boy from the valley Ry Ry” – Ryan Mathews and Andre Johnson.
Levi: “I dare someone to pick a fight with me, that mofo Andre will beat yo ass”
Lance: “If he can stay healthy, he’d probably break his hand on my iron-like jaw”.
PD: “Just don’t get in a car with him”
At this point a lightbulb goes off in my head.
Lance: “WE SHOULD DRAFT AN ALL-DUI TEAM!…We could field a Super Bowl contender, I just need Cam Newton to blow a .20 after a night out on the town”.
PD goes with Mike Wallace. While I solidify my receiving corp with Greg Jennings and I go with the second best defense in the NFC…[racist comments omitted]…Philadelphia Eagles.
PD goes receiver again with AJ Green.
Levi goes with his usual homer pick, Dez Bryant. “He’s so good he’ll make you wanna slap yo mama”
At this point Levi quotes the Editor-in-Chief of #CasuallyGinger, yours truly.
Levi selects the first KR of the evening Patrick Peterson. And PD surprises everyone by not being a homer and selecting Antonio Gates, he picks up Jermichael Finley. PD gets his KR in Darren Sproles. Levi finishes his draft by misspelling “Pittsburg” when he chooses the Pittsburgh Steelers Defense.
With my final two choices I go with the best Kick Returner of all-time that boy from “THE U” Devin Hester, and with my final pick I use my great “Strategery” to select Drew “Seriously What’s that on Your Face” Brees to be my field general.
Now common folk, here’s your chance to pick who has the best team!
Football Olympics <– Click for Rosters.