Into the Mind of Cockboi69: The Hobbit – My Three Part Boner

Hello everyone, Tom Cocking aka Cockboi69 aka THE Ry Gos lover here for my first installment on this wonderful blog that enriches the minds and lives of many.

As you may have heard The Hobbit, or There and Back Again, which is what it is actually called if you’re a nerd, is being developed in to a movie split in to three parts. In more recent news I have had what I call a “Goose Boner” (my weiner has goose bumps while erect) ever since I heard the news. For those of you who are Tolkien fans, I’m sure you know exactly what I am talking about. For those of you who are not (homos) let me give you a very quick summary. The Hobbit follows the adventures of Bilbo Baggins, a young, intuitive hobbit from the Shire who has a knack for getting himself in to the stickiest of situations. Bilbo is accompanied by thirteen dwarves and Mr. Hnnnngg, himself, Gandalf (goose boner just intensified). This colorful group of characters are on a mission to reclaim the Lonely Mountain and all of its treasures that Smaug, the dragon, took from the dwarves. Throughout the tale they run in to trolls, wolves, that mofo Gollum, and one of my favorite characters Beorn, the shape shifter (goose boner just exploded).

This prequel to the Lord of the Rings trilogy answers many questions about the One Ring and how it got in to the hands of Frodo. I have left out tons of other stuff but that is because I do not want to spoil it for anyone (everyone dies at the end). That was probably one of the most horrible summaries of a book that I have read 12.45 times but I am no Tolkien.

Now that the movie will be split in to three parts it gives me hope that Peter Jackson will include everything in the book and not Hollywood-It by giving Steven Tyler’s daughter a role that was so incredibly minimal in the book, yet she was one of the main characters in the movie. Aragon needed to smack that bitch up, naw meen? Anyways, many think that three movies is a bit too much but I think it will allow Jackson to delve deeper in to Middle Earth and build the characters so that we understand each one. The first movie is titled The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey and will begin in the Shire. Some of the main characters in the Lord of the Rings trilogy are expected to make cameos though they are not in the book, except Gandalf. My main concern with the movie(s) is that it may send me in to a slow spiraling depression because this world blows hard compared to Middle Earth. I then fear that this spiraling depression will trigger some sort of schizophrenia where I believe I am an elf, sell my possessions, buy a horse and live in the forest in constant fear that Sauron will soon find me. I am looking forward to seeing what Peter Jackson has in store and fully plan on getting banned from the local theatre for exposing myself and public masturbation. Till next time, keep it real…

– Tom “Cockboi69” Cocking

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Posted on August 7, 2012, in Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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