NFL Week 2 Preview & Picks
Week Two of the NFL Regular Season is upon us and tonight when the Chicago Bears visit the Green Bay Packers in one of the more interesting games of the week. Here are my non-expert picks with some explanation. Disclaimer: I went 8-8 last week and it’ll probably go downhill from here, so take this with a
grain a GIGANTIC SPOON of salt.
Chicago Bears (1-0) vs. Green Bay Packers (0-1) – Does a team have a more must-win game then the Packers do in week 2? If Green Bay loses they are 0-2 at home on the season and down two games to the Chicago Bears in the NFC North and potentially two back in the race for home-field advantage against the San Francisco 49ers. If this happens then the Staples “Easy” button will be replaced with a “HIT THE PANIC BUTTON RIGHT NOW” by ESPN, NFL Network and the rest of the media. That being said…Winner: Packers 30, Bears 23.
Kansas City Chiefs (0-1) vs. Buffalo Bills (0-1) – The battle of the mediocre defenses, both defenses came in hyped up to take huge steps forward and both gave up 40 burgers to the Falcons and Jets, respectively. I picked the Chiefs to win the AFC West despite having Matt Cassel as their Quarterback and if I hate anything it’s someone who jumps off the bandwagon after week one. (Spoiler: I hate myself). Winner: Chiefs 26, Bills 21.
Cleveland Browns (0-1) vs. Cincinnati Bengals (0-1) – This will be an epic battle — no, not between the Bengals and Browns – but between two longstanding rivals – Gingers and Old People. Ginger Quarterback, Andy Dalton, is still trying to prove that Gingers can, in fact, play Quarterback while Brandon Weeden tries to bounce back from the worst debut rookie performance by a Quarterback ever after taking his Metamucil and recording his marathon of “Murder She Wrote”. Winner: Bengals 21, Browns 9.
Minnesota Vikings (1-0) vs. Indianapolis Colts (0-1) – The Minnesota Vikings let Blaine Gabbert (!) look good against them, now they go against Andrew Luck, who had a rough debut, but not as rough as the stats say. Luck also gets back one of his favorite targets in Austin Collie, I gave him Over/Under .5 quarters until he receives another concussion or gets decapitated. Winner: Colts 24, Vikings 23.
Houston Texans (1-0) vs. Jacksonville Jaguars (0-1) – The Jaguars gave up a late touchdown and lost in OT last week to the Vikings, congratulations you now get one of the elite teams in the AFC, the Texans. The Texans defense should be all over Blaine “I Cry For Mommy When the Pocket Collapses” Gabbert, this one could get ugly. Winner: Texans 35, Jaguars 13.
Oakland Raiders (0-1) vs. Miami Dolphins (0-1) – The Oakland Raiders had a rough week last week with their long snapping , but if their starting snapper didn’t get hurt that Charger game would have been a lot different and now they get the worst team in the NFL. Raiders should recover nicely unless Tannehill and Legedu Naanee hook up for a couple touchdowns (LOL, JK!). Winner: Raiders 28, Dolphins 12.
Arizona Cardinals (1-0) vs. New England Patriots (1-0). – Here’s a fun fact for all you stat nerds out there – these are the two best teams record wise the past 10 regular season games Cardinals (8-2), Patriots (9-1). The Cardinals boast an impressive defense but they will be tested against one of the best offensives in the NFL. Tom Brady and the Patriots seem to have developed a legitimate running game and defense that makes this team scary. Let’s all pray that no one ‘inadvertently” hurts Tom Brady’s beautiful nose, he needs that for his GQ cover! Winner: Patriots 31, Cardinals 18.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-0) vs. New York Giants (0-1) – I hate to throw around must-win in Week 2, especially since this is the second time I’ve said it, but if the Cowboys and Redskins both go to 2-0, while the Giants drop to 0-2 they are in some trouble. Tampa Bay comes off an impressive win against my sleeper Panthers and did an amazing job stopping the run, but can they keep it up? I don’t see it happening. Winner: Giants 21, Buccaneers 17.
Baltimore Ravens (1-0) vs. Philadelphia Eagles (0-1) – The Ravens were one of the most impressive teams in the NFL last week and now they face one of least impressive teams from last week, the Eagles. But this is my upset pick of the week, Mike Vick was rusty last week and his receivers didn’t help him that much and their defense looked much improved, albeit against the Browns. Winner: Eagles 31, Ravens 28.
Washington Redskins (1-0) vs. St. Louis Rams (0-1) – RG3 not only had the most impressive first start by a rookie Quarterback of all-time in one of the hardest places to play in the NFL, New Orleans. He also inspired an internet craze that left Tebow and Jesus speechless, #Griffining! The Rams defense looked much improved last week intercepting Matthew Stafford three times, but can they do it against the newest phenom? Winner: Redskins 19, Rams 16.
Dallas Cowboys (1-0) vs. Seattle Seahawks (0-1) – The Dallas Cowboys come off one the most impressive victories of the first week, beating the defending Super Bowl Champions the New York Giants in New York and everyone’s media darlings (-__-) the Seattle Seahawks stunk it up against the Arizona Cardinals, despite getting 4 time outs! But Seattle is the toughest place to play in the NFL and the Cowboys are due for a letdown after a huge week one victory. Winner: Seahawks – 23, Cowboys 21.
New York Jets (1-0) vs. Pittsburgh Steelers (0-1) – Raise your hand if you had the Jets scoring 10 points last week? 20? 30? 40? How about 48? Not one single hand, but they did and now they have a chance to go 2-0 and shut up the Tebow-ites? Tebow-ians? The Steelers try to bounce back from a loss the Denver Mannings that made their defense look old and slow. Winner: Steelers 28, Jets 20.
Tennessee Titans (0-1) vs. San Diego Chargers (1-0) – They say you’d rather win ugly than have a beautiful loss, the Chargers had a beautiful win in an ugly, ugly place last week on Monday Night. They go up against an improved Titans team, but can Locker, with a separate shoulder, beat the Chargers in their home opener? Will any be their to watch it? We’ll find out. The Chargers might get Mathews back this week (they need him since Ronnie Brown and Curtis Brinkley did absolutely nothing). Winner: Chargers 20, Titans, 17.
Detroit Lions (1-0) vs. San Francisco 49ers (1-0) – The San Francisco 49ers open at home against the Detroit Lions for the Handshake Part Deux. The 49ers went into Lambeau last week beat a team with a great Quarterback with great receivers, no running game, and a less than stellar defense…sound familiar? The Lions are the poor mans Packers and they have to go into San Francisco? Not looking good for Deeeeee-troit. Winner: 49ers 31, Lions 21.
Denver Broncos (1-0) vs. Atlanta (1-0) – Arguably the game of the week, the Falcons finally realized the offense needs to run through Matt Ryan and the great receivers he has and to get away from broken down Michael Turner (he’s terrible). Peyton Manning could not have had a better debut on national television and ESPN and NFLN are still wiping their mouths from his performance. The winner of this game will be which defense shows up. Winner: Falcons 35, Broncos 31.
Last Week – (8-8)
Season – (8-8)
– Lance Cartelli