This Week in Sports & Week 3 Picks
– Chad Johnson plead no contest to assaulting his now ex-wife after an argument in their car that lead to Johnson’s release from the Miami Dolphins. Johnson originally wanted to represent himself in the court of law, but when they asked what he plead, he put in the plea of “Child Please” and that the charges should “Kiss the Baby”. After, Johnson was told those weren’t legal terms and that he should instead plead insanity.
– Tiger Woods and Rory McIlroy were in the same group to open up the Tour Championship on Thursday. Tiger dubbed Rory the nickname, “The Intimidator” after the media asked if Tiger was intimidated by Rory. McIlroy took the name seriously and showed up naked to the tournament looking to attack Arnold Schwarzenegger and to kill John Connor. There is no rule against that, allowing McIlroy to shoot a -1 on the day.
– Peyton Manning threw three interceptions Monday Night in a loss to the Atlanta Falcons. Questions arose about Peyton’s arm strength after the game, where Peyton then called out every single member of the media to an arm wrestling contest while kissing his biceps. He then winked at the camera and gave a shout out to Ed Hochuli, who he’s been training with in the offseason to get his biceps up to par.
– The New York Giants defeated the Carolina Panthers on Thursday Night Football. The Giants were without starters Ahmad Bradshaw, David Diehl, and Hakeem Nicks, while the Referees were without any knowledge that an actual football game was being played. Nicks, Bradshaw, and Diehl – despite being hurt – tried putting on Referee shirts from the Footlocker outside the stadium, proclaiming “We’d be a lot less bias than that guy that had Saints pictures on his Facebook!”
– USC, the #2 team in the nation, was upset by Stanford on Saturday. Midway through the 4th quarter USC was making an effort to comeback, but on a crucial third down when Lane Kiffin was calling in the play to Matt Barkley, he said “I Gotta Go”, and ran off the field. USC would later be upset, and Kiffin explained that his wife made some exquisite Key-Lime Pie and he had to “get the f outta dodge”.
– The NHL has locked out its players for the 3rd straight time under Commissioner Gary Bettman. The NHL Lockout now ranks below the NFL Referee Lockout, the The Chicago Teacher Lockout, The Lockout between me and every girl in the world, The Lockout of Levi forgetting his keys in his car, and the Lockout of Homosexuals and Chic-Fil-A.
After a mediocre Week 1 where I went 8-8 (I look at Week 1 as my Preseason, just a warm up for the real season), I bounced back last week going 12-4 and getting my upset picks correct. I look to maintain my awesomeness in picks in Week 3 and take some underdogs again. Enjoy!
STL vs. CHI – The Rams are 1-1 with an improved defense, they will go into Chicago and pick off Jay “I’m Color Blind” Cutler at least 3 times. Winner: Rams
Buff vs. CLE – A battle of two of the more exciting running backs in the NFL, the New CJ2k and Trent Richardson, Buffalo will try and stop the run and will pull out a victory. Winner: Bills
TB vs. Dal – Dallas comes off a terrible performance against the Seahawks, but they are subscribing to the “Play Hard Every Other Game” Plan, so they are in for a win. Winner: Cowboys.
NYJ vs. MIA – The Dolphins beat down the Raiders last week 35-13 off of Reggie Bush’s career day, Tannehill and Bush will be able to defeat the Jets by stopping the run and not making mistakes. Winner: Dolphins.
SF vs. Min – San Francisco just dominated two NFC North teams that were in the playoffs last year and won 10 games, sorry Minny you don’t have a shot especially if you are emphasizing the run. Winner: 49ers
KC vs. NO – The battle of the two biggest disappointments in the NFL this year. New Orleans at home should be able to run and pass all over the field against the Chiefs. Winner: Saints
Cin vs. Wash – The Bengals defense has been a huge let down this year and RG3 and the ‘Skins will look to come off a depressing loss against the Rams, Rg3 should have a big game. Winner: Redskins
Det vs. Ten – Tennessee can’t run the ball, throw the ball, or stop anyone on defense. Not good against a high powered offense. Detroit wins big. Winner: Lions.
Jax vs. Indy – Andrew Luck played very well against the Vikes last week and now he’s got a bad team at home, Luck goes to 2-1 on Sunday. Winner: Colts
Phi vs. AZ – This game is really tough to pick, The Cards have a top 5 defense in the NFL and beat the Patriots last week with a total of 4 yards from Larry Fitzgerald, but I don’t think they have enough offense to defeat the Eagles. Winner: Eagles
Hou vs. Den – Houston has been the most impressive team in the AFC and Manning comes off a 3 INT first half against the Falcons. The Texans defense is a lot better than the Falcons D, look for more of the same. Winner: Texans
Pit vs. Oak – Oakland may be the worst team in the AFC, maybe the NFL, and the Steelers are without Troy Polamalu and James Harrison again, but the Raiders will have no answer for Ben Roethlisberger, Mike Wallace, and Antonio Brown. Winner: Steelers
NE vs. Balt – A rematch of the AFC Championship game where the Ravens were a dropped touchdown away from the Super Bowl, they will exact their revenge at home against the Pats. Winner: Ravens
Atl vs. SD – The battle of the undefeated teams this week and Southern California won’t even be able to see it, pathetic. San Diego has looked a lot better but against weaker competition, time to see them against a really good team, I think Matt Ryan pulls it out. Winner: Falcons
GB vs. Sea – Green Bay struggles against really physical teams that can run the ball. Seattle does both of those very well, and Seattle is the toughest place to play in the NFL. Winner: Seattle.
Last Week – 12-4
Overall – 20-12
– Lance Cartelli