RusselMania – The NFL Turns into the WWE

I hear there was quite a game last night with a controversial call to the end the game, I was too busy watching WWE Monday Night Raw, but the weird thing was that it was on ESPN.  Wait…that wasn’t the dramatic and staged Professional Wrestling show?  That was the actually a real football game?  Well I’ll be damned.

The National Football League — a league that is braggadocios and downright cocky about the parody of the league, the competitive balance, and player safety that it gives to its fans — turned into a joke on Monday Night, it was absolutely laughable by the end (unless you’re a Packer fan) and contradicted everything that it stands for.  It turned into Sports Entertainment, or lack thereof (Cut to: Packers fans nodding).

Here’s what I saw:

The lights come on, the crowd in Qwest Field is yelling and screaming decibles that will puncture ear drums like they were cheering for The Rock, instead it was for their home team, the Seattle Seahawks.  We see fireworks and an announcer proclaiming – “Welcome to RusselMania!”.  The undercard is a buncha non-descrip fights that the fans enjoy (National Anthem, Starting Line Ups), but all the fans really want is the main event – the Green Bay Packers vs. the Seattle Seahawks.

Here. We. Go.  The Seahawks (The Face, if you don’t watch the WWE** then Face is the Good Guy) come out rocking, clearly influenced by the huge crowd influence and being the underdogs.    They dominate the first half (of the fight) with 8 (!) first half sacks – highlighted by four sacks from Chris Clemons – they think there is no way that the Heels (Bad Guys in the WWE) the Packers, can bounce back they are on the ropes, it’s time for the finisher.  Russell Wilson drops back and throws a bomb to Golden Tate for a touchdown and it looks like the Packers may be down for the count after a huge finisher, but they get their leg on the rope and they kick out.  We head to halftime.

**Seriously, who does anymore?  I miss The Rock.**

But just like any WWE fight, it cannot be one-sided.  The Packers come back from halftime they rediscover the run, they actually block defenders trying to Joe Mays Matt Schaub in the face, and the deep passing is working slowly but surely.  The Packers get two field goals, and a touchdown, but cannot get the two-point conversion.  Almost a deathblow in this WWE fight, but the Packers lead 12-7.  It looks like it’s time for the Packers to hit their finishing move and escape the toughest place to play in the NFL with a victory.  Russell Wilson throws a pass that is tipped and eventually intercepted by the Packers — A HUGE FINISHER that will surely end this, but in the process the referee (in the WWE) is timely knocked out while the crowd is counting “1….2….3”, but there is no referee to end it.  The Seahawks are saved by a different type of referee – a fake one – and a bogus roughing the passer is called.

The Packers eventually get a stop, and they cannot run the clock out, the legend that is Russell Wilson (in his third game of his career -__-) has a chance to cement his legacy in Seattle loire.  What does the legend do?  He gets benefitted by (another) bogus pass interference call, which is like the Seahawks hitting their challenger with a steel chair while the referee isn’t looking (a common theme in these three weeks of officiating in the NFL).  The fans chant again “1…2…”, the Packers kick out! It’s a miracle!  This leads to the Seahawks down to a 4th down with almost no time left, to throw a hail mary into the endzone.  Our WWE referee gets hurt in the scrum after the Seahawks are so mad that it wasnt a three-count that they Chokeslam the ref (who doesn’t want to do that? Packer fans nodding even more).  Russell Wilson rolls to his right, rolls back to his left, throws a hail mary.  Golden Tate (with a huge push-off) looks like he makes the catch, Packers defender M.D. Jennings looks like he has the interception.  It’s a double-finisher by the Packers and the Seahawks! Both teams are down, we have utter chaos here in the WWE/NFL!  A replacement referee (oh, the irony) comes running down, the original referee staggers to his feet!  What is going to happen?  Both referees count 1…2…3, one referee raises the hand of the Seahawks, the other ref raises the hand of the Packers.  What a mess! (Packers fans hurt their neck nodding so much).

We have no call, no winner, and then…the music hits! Roger Godell (Vince McMahon) comes out.  He takes the mic, and awards the Seahawks the victory!  Oh, the drama, oh, the entertainment, oh, the Tweeting and Facebooking, oh, the embarrassment!

Who would’ve thought that on a Monday Night the NFL, not the WWE, would have the most ridiculous, dumbfounding, and dramatic program on cable television?  Not me.

– Lance Cartelli

Posted on September 25, 2012, in Football, NFC West, NFL, Sports and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. All that game needed was the metal chair.

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