This Week in Sports

What Happened in Sports This Past Week? Well Let Me Tell You…

– After the Los Angeles Lakers fired Mike Brown, they moved quickly to hire Mike D’Antoni to a three year deal.  Previous fans of teams coached by Mike D’Antoni famously removed the “D” from his name, for his lack of coaching on the defensive end.  Don’t worry Laker fans — Mike ‘Antoni will coach Wight Howar and the rest of the Lakers in Hollywoo to eliver a ecisive NBA Championship.

– The Knicks came back in the 4th quarter to defeat the San Antonio Spurs on Thursday to remain undefeated at 6-0. After not resigning Jeremy Lin, the Knicks have been playing the best defense in the NBA.  Said star Forward Carmelo Anthony, “Once Coach ‘Antoni resigned, we realized there was 26 letters in the alphabet, so from now on you can call me D’Carmelo D’Anthony…It’s been a pleasure playing for the D’New D’York D’Knicks in D’Madison D’Square D’Garden”.  I think he’s getting carried away after finding out that “D” is an actual letter.

– The Miami Marlins and Toronto Blue Jays consummated a blockbuster deal that allowed the Marlins to dump over $180 million in contracts. After the trade, there was a huge public uproar over the deal that decimated the Marlins roster…oh wait, there wasn’t?  People in Miami didn’t even know the Marlins were a team? Oh, well in that case…Go Heat?  Oh..Miami residents didn’t know that the Heat season started either?  They must still be at the beach or watching the new season of Dexter.

– As many as four Quarterbacks suffered concussions this past week in the NFL, including Mike Vick and Jay Cutler, who will not be able to play this week.  The only fans really disappointed by this outcome are the Fantasy Football Owners who had circled this date on their calendar because their Defenses was going against Vick and Cutler.

-The San Francisco 49ers and St. Louis Rams tied 24-24 for the first tie game in the NFL since 2008.  Once the clock hit 0:00 in overtime and the teams and fans started to exit, a fan came running onto the field with a microphone yelling, “WHERE IS EVERYONE GOING?  THE GAME ISN’T OVER! FOOTBALL CAN’T END IN A TIE!”  It was actually Donovan McNabb who had been admitted to an insane asylum after having a mental breakdown over his last tie four years ago.

– The #1 team in the Nation, Alabama, was upset by Texas A&M on Saturday. Texas A&M was led to victory by Freshman phenom quarterback “Johnny Football”.  Wow, his parents, Mr. and Mrs. Football, got really lucky that they named him that and he played Football.  It would’ve been really awkward if Johnny Football played Cricket or Bat-mitten.  Crisis Averted!

– Miguel Cabrera won the AL MVP after receiving 22 of 27 first place votes to defeat Rookie of the Year Mike Trout.  Cabrera won in large part due to becoming the first hitter since 1978 to win the Triple Crown.  At his press conference to accept the MVP, Cabrera wore three crowns and said, “As King of the American League and Ruler of the three realms of Batting Average, Runs Batted In and Home Runs, I demand that you all bow to me at once!”.  After slamming his mace into the ground, National League MVP Buster Posey busted the door down and stabbed Cabrera with the World Series Trophy.  It was a bloody day for the King of the American League, but the rightful heir to the Realms stood over the bloody corpse of the Triple Crown Winner and showed his supremacy.

– Lance Cartelli

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Posted on November 16, 2012, in Baseball, Basketball, Championship, Dwight Howard, Finals, Football, Home Run, Jokes, Kobe Bryant, Lakers, Los Angeles, Mike Trouth, MLB, NBA, New York Knicks, NFC West, NFL, San Francisco 49ers, Sports, Spurs and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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