This Week In Sports

Oh, you want to know what happened this week in sports? Why don’t you let me tell you…

  • The San Antonio Spurs rested their “Big Three” in a closely contested loss to the defending champions, the Miami Heat last night and sparked a controversy between the Spurs and NBA Commissioner David Stern. Since nobody knew who these players were, the Miami Heat Public Address Announcer had to make up names during the pre-game introductions.  He came up with crazy names like: Tiago Splitter (the bad guy from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movies), Boris Diaw (Russian Bad Guy in every movie featuring Russian bad guys), Matt Bonner (hehehe…Oh wait, no, not boner…Nevermind), Patty Mills (The name of the Leprechaun from Lucky Charms), and my personal favorite — Nando de Colo (Just a great name.).  Breaking News:  That was actually the San Antonio Spurs starting line up.
  • The Atlanta Falcons defeated the New Orleans Saints last night 23-13 and ended Drew Brees touchdown passing record in consecutive games at 54.  The Falcons ended other famous streaks of Drew Brees, such as: Throwing as many interceptions as his team has wins (5), most awful commercials that Drew Brees has been in in a loss, Most consecutive days where you ask yourself, “What the hell is on Drew Brees’ face?  Is it a birthmark or a scar?  OR did he get some crazy disease like ring worm on his face?  I hope it’s the latter”.
  • On his Facebook, Rolando McClain said “Officially no longer an Oakland Raider…Looking forward to playing for an actual team”.  Fans were actually more angry that McClain Instagrammed the picture of his status update and then tweeted his Instagram picture.  Due to McClain’s terrible social networking he was suspended two games by the Raiders and lost over 200,000 followers.
  • David Wright signed the largest contract in New York Mets history – an 8-year, $140 million contract. Not to be outdone, the New York Yankees decided to sign Rolando McClain (10-year $100 million), Angus T. Jones (Whatever he makes on Two and a Half Men plus one dollar and the copyright to the word “Filth”, and Lindsay Lohan (Whatever bottle of alcohol she wants whenever she wants it a.k.a. always).
  • Rajon Rondo was ejected and later suspended two games by the NBA for pushing Kris Humphries and tackling him into the stands after an altercation.  After Kim Kardashian saw the push, she quickly ended her relationship with Kanye West to start dating Rajon Rondo.  This just in:  They have officially gotten married…And now they are divorced.
  • On Thanksgiving, Ndamakong Suh’s foot collided with force against the groin region of Texans QB Matt Schaub.  Suh’s thinking may have been a little flawed, overheard by NFL Films microphones, Suh said “I thought if I kicked him hard enough he wouldn’t have testicles anymore and you have to have testicles to play in the NFL! Right?…RIGHT?!”

– Lance Cartelli

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Posted on November 30, 2012, in Basketball, Football, NBA, NFL, Sports, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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